Blank Plans: Anxiety versus Trusting God
Many of my kids had been experiencing overwhelming anxiety, which was very much exacerbated this past week as we received the heart-breaking news that our school would be closing at the end of this school year. It was a shock for all of us, and many of the kids are having a very difficult time processing the recent events. I had asked to do a lesson with the secondary kids about anxiety.
I am very much a person who likes to plan EVERYTHING, down to the very smallest detail. Any time I go to teach a lesson with a group or a class, I have very detailed plans to make sure that there is no down time or unstructured time during the lesson. Before planning the lesson, I like to pray to have God's guidance on what to say and what to do. Well, as I sat down to pray over this lesson, God told me to go in without a plan. You want to talk about anxiety??? That was absolutely terrifying for me. So I said, "Okay, God. I hear you. Don't have a plan for the lesson. I'll just write down a few ideas and choose from those ideas and depending on what the class needs, I'll do one of those plans." So I proceeded to pick up my pencil and piece of paper to brainstorm some ideas. No sooner than I touch my pencil to the paper, there's a knock at my door. Someone asking a question. They go about their way, and I return to my still blank paper, knowing that I have less than 30 minutes to get something together for the next two classes. I pick up my pencil and start to put it to the paper. And there's another person at my door. This is early in the morning- NO ONE is there early in the morning- why is this happening to me?? The third time it happens, it dawns on me. God had told me NO PLANS. I was making a plan. At this point, tears were running down my cheeks as I finally put my pencil down and said "Ok, God. I trust you. I don't have a plan, but I know that you do."
The first group that I had was a group of high schoolers- 9th-12th graders. They all know how detail oriented I am, and have seen my sheet of paper that I always bring for lessons with notes and scribbles all over it. As I stood before the group, I held the blank sheet of paper that had "my plans" on it. I explained my struggle in trying to plan something when God had told me not to, and showed my final plan- a blank sheet of paper. But it became crystal clear. If I had asked these kids to make a plan for their future after this recent news of the school closing, their papers would look just like mine. The future is not ours to plan. We have to trust our unknown future to our known God.
During the lesson, we discussed anxiety, how anxiety and fear is the complete opposite of trusting God, and the different ways that we respond to anxiety. At the end, we pulled our chairs into a circle and had a candid discussion about what it's like being high schoolers who just found out that their school is closing. The discussion and entire lesson was absolutely spirit led. My perfect plans that I was wanting for the class would NOT have had the same impact. God is good.
The next lesson was a group of middle schoolers- 7th and 8th graders. I started out feeling confident. "I've got a plan now- I just did this lesson with the high schoolers and it was wonderful. I'll just do the same thing with these guys". Can you hear God laughing at me now??? Well, once again, here I was with my plan. Standing in front of this group of kids, feeling confident in myself, it didn't take long for me to realize that I was leaning on my own plans again, not listening for God's direction. So I stopped, back tracked, and gave the control to God again. Yes, I was in tears, vulnerably standing before this group of kids who were expecting me to say something- ANYTHING. I was out on a limb, and said a silent prayer. After what seemed like forever, God told me to discuss giving over control to Him. What can they control? What can't they? What shouldn't they control? I took an empty bin, wrote "GOD" on a sheet of paper, and taped it to the bin for the kids to see. The kids wrote each of their worries on a different sheet of paper, and came up to the front of the room. For each worry, they would say a silent prayer over the worry, and simply say "God, I trust you" as they dropped their worry into the bin. Now that they had given their worries to God, it was no longer something they needed to control. God has control.
Learning to trust God and not leaning on your own understanding is scary! As imperfect humans, we think that we should have control over everything. We deceive ourselves into thinking that if we keep control, everything will be okay, when in reality that can't be further from the truth. God's plan is perfect. Ours is not. God is good- all the time!
I am very much a person who likes to plan EVERYTHING, down to the very smallest detail. Any time I go to teach a lesson with a group or a class, I have very detailed plans to make sure that there is no down time or unstructured time during the lesson. Before planning the lesson, I like to pray to have God's guidance on what to say and what to do. Well, as I sat down to pray over this lesson, God told me to go in without a plan. You want to talk about anxiety??? That was absolutely terrifying for me. So I said, "Okay, God. I hear you. Don't have a plan for the lesson. I'll just write down a few ideas and choose from those ideas and depending on what the class needs, I'll do one of those plans." So I proceeded to pick up my pencil and piece of paper to brainstorm some ideas. No sooner than I touch my pencil to the paper, there's a knock at my door. Someone asking a question. They go about their way, and I return to my still blank paper, knowing that I have less than 30 minutes to get something together for the next two classes. I pick up my pencil and start to put it to the paper. And there's another person at my door. This is early in the morning- NO ONE is there early in the morning- why is this happening to me?? The third time it happens, it dawns on me. God had told me NO PLANS. I was making a plan. At this point, tears were running down my cheeks as I finally put my pencil down and said "Ok, God. I trust you. I don't have a plan, but I know that you do."
The first group that I had was a group of high schoolers- 9th-12th graders. They all know how detail oriented I am, and have seen my sheet of paper that I always bring for lessons with notes and scribbles all over it. As I stood before the group, I held the blank sheet of paper that had "my plans" on it. I explained my struggle in trying to plan something when God had told me not to, and showed my final plan- a blank sheet of paper. But it became crystal clear. If I had asked these kids to make a plan for their future after this recent news of the school closing, their papers would look just like mine. The future is not ours to plan. We have to trust our unknown future to our known God.
During the lesson, we discussed anxiety, how anxiety and fear is the complete opposite of trusting God, and the different ways that we respond to anxiety. At the end, we pulled our chairs into a circle and had a candid discussion about what it's like being high schoolers who just found out that their school is closing. The discussion and entire lesson was absolutely spirit led. My perfect plans that I was wanting for the class would NOT have had the same impact. God is good.
The next lesson was a group of middle schoolers- 7th and 8th graders. I started out feeling confident. "I've got a plan now- I just did this lesson with the high schoolers and it was wonderful. I'll just do the same thing with these guys". Can you hear God laughing at me now??? Well, once again, here I was with my plan. Standing in front of this group of kids, feeling confident in myself, it didn't take long for me to realize that I was leaning on my own plans again, not listening for God's direction. So I stopped, back tracked, and gave the control to God again. Yes, I was in tears, vulnerably standing before this group of kids who were expecting me to say something- ANYTHING. I was out on a limb, and said a silent prayer. After what seemed like forever, God told me to discuss giving over control to Him. What can they control? What can't they? What shouldn't they control? I took an empty bin, wrote "GOD" on a sheet of paper, and taped it to the bin for the kids to see. The kids wrote each of their worries on a different sheet of paper, and came up to the front of the room. For each worry, they would say a silent prayer over the worry, and simply say "God, I trust you" as they dropped their worry into the bin. Now that they had given their worries to God, it was no longer something they needed to control. God has control.
Learning to trust God and not leaning on your own understanding is scary! As imperfect humans, we think that we should have control over everything. We deceive ourselves into thinking that if we keep control, everything will be okay, when in reality that can't be further from the truth. God's plan is perfect. Ours is not. God is good- all the time!